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Dyke Chronicles
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Date:2005-05-22 20:33
Subject:My Morning Walk
Mood: angry

I looked through the window pane on the train to work today. The endless amount of people frightened me. I thought where are they going what are they doing? Do they not know what lies ahead for them this morning? Do any of them think about what Bloomberg and Bush are planning for us today? Is it just a lost cause to think that someone else on this train thinks about how bad things are? How fucked up the world is?
I looked down the sewer standing on the curb. The water was garbage. Then the garbage came as I crossed the street. Again I think does anyone else care that we walk by the disgusting remains from the food wasted by restaurants that the third world countries don't have. What the hell do people think about? Those rich assholes that only care about when their next golf game is or how about where they should park that fucking massive lexus suv that is so great for the environment and for me to breathe. My lung collapsed in 98 maybe it was because of this I can't determine that and neither could they.
I cross the street and of course now I can't think about what I was thinking because I can't write while I walk. It went something like this...
I can't believe that people in this city shuffle around to get to where they are going to walk in the muck that isn't cleaned up to become something that they aren't. What's the drive? I mean what is the drive? I had it. I had it once. The drive. So I can't tell you what it is in a nutshell. Money. This whole city this whole country is bent on money. Well at least that was the drive for me. Live in a city get lots of money. The idea ran hand and hand. Here's the thing. I was naive and ignorant to what was going on around me. I became that ‘american’. That type of american that just excepts what is hand to her. What the world tells me is right. What I'm hand I have to accept. This however all is a crock of fucking shit. Don't take what's handed to you. Why? Because you don't want confrontation cause you don't want to get arrested cause you don't want the shit beat out of you. So beat the fuck back. Fight, Run, Gouge out what you believe. Unfortunately that isn't many of you. Most of you won't understand what I'm talking about. Here's an examples..
I'm going to act this out for you...
Me: Mom why doesn't this make you angry?
Mom: Because what am I supposed to do?
Me: There is stuff to do isn't there?
Mom: No, You just have to take what you get sometimes. There is no point fighting. You won't win. That's just the way it is.
Me: I don't get it Mom. I'm so angry and can't do anything about it.
This was the conversation I had with my Mom when I was little. I became suppressed and oppressed after this. Here I am a lesbian and I sit and watch everyone else fight for my rights for me. What an ass am I...
So back to my walk. The other thing that seems to boggle my mind is the fact that there is one man that has say in what this country does what this fucking country represents. Also there is only one man that has say in what this city that I live in and how can one man, mind you it's a man, know what exactly every person that lives in this city or this country what they need. I feel that this isn't possible at all not at all. And as once I did, this country is naive. Well certain people in it are. Like my family, but I have friends who aren't, but lately my ratio of people in my life who are and who aren't has a really big gap. One man having this control. I mean Bloomberg wants to close Washington Square Park; Where the Dyke March ends to make it just for sights and flowers. He wants to close the fucking make. A New York common ground. He wants to gate it off and not let us in. Gate it off. Who the fuck does he think he is to make these fucking decision about this. And the part that pisses me off the most is that one of them is extremely stupid and the other extremely rich. And as I'm thinking about this, I remember what a professor said to me yesterday.
Her: You don't just consciously think about politics on the train or while you're walking.
I raised my hand and said
Me: I do
And she seemed shocked and looked at me like I was crazy. Every time I think about my rights as being a lesbian, I think about politics. Every time I think about 9/11 and how the United States got all upset about the terrorist attack and they ask how could this happen to us? I think about politics. And to answer your question about how 9/11 happened to us...Don't you think that after all the terrorism we cause because we need to get involved in everything and all the terrorism that occurs in third world countries that no one hears about it; wasn't it bound to happen to us one day especially after the fact that we do it to other people and we trained the people who did it to us. That's right. The CIA trained them so we had alliances in other countries that weren't americans. And how many people didn't believe Michael Moore? Let me not go there.
The president is trying to make this a christian country again and I was just typing in word and well it capitalized it. I don't feel like it deserves it. Anyway, to lead this country back to something that had scientifically proven to not exist. It didn't create this world. It didn't create the trees. It sure as hell didn't create this world we are in now. Do fucking people realize that there is no one else to blame but themselves? I have to blame them because I'm not the one dumping toxic waste into the oceans and rivers. I'm not the one spreading Aids or creating it. I'm not the one filling my body with the corporate fat that makes up fast food. I'm not the one that lets starbucks control my coffee intake. I used to work for them I know what that shit contains. One of my new deals is to take it down. This country was so bent on not having monopolies after Rockefeller owned half of New York and most companies across the U.S. But now look at how companies are monopolizing. starbucks, mc donalds, burger king and yes I worked for them too. They fry your fries in Vegetable oil. One of the worst oils ever. Again a man made object.
Most of you who read this are probably wondering if I feel this way why do I live here why do I have a computer why don't I just move and end it all for me and just let it all go? Because if someone doesn’t get out to say this shit who will? Who will change the way others think. Who will communicate and get those ignorant and naive people to see? Me and hopefully others. I really believed I couldn’t do anything for this country for this city for me as an individual, but as I think more and get angrier, that’s not true. This right here does something. But right now all I can do is vent until I can constructively find a why to get out there and preach.

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Date:2004-06-22 22:31
Subject:Eating at Ken's

So I am eating at Ken's. The Food is good. Chicken I think.
Anyway, I am a bit tipsy.
Alexis and I kinda are broken up, but I think it is a good thing for us right now.
I am excited about Pride weekend.
Ok later

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Date:2004-06-12 09:38
Subject:Rip my uterus out and feed it to the dogs...
Mood: crappy

Ok first off. I have seen Shakespeare in Love too many times.

Then can I just say that I had the worst motherfucking cramps in the world last night. It took everything out of me, besides the fact that I ran out of midol. The best PMS drug ever, but I must have downed a good amount of mortin to go with it.

There are 2 parties occurring tonight and due to the fact that I feel like shit and I don't want to choice one over the other. Ecards are the way to go.

My Mom is still gone and now I need to go home and do laundry. Which is fine. Maybe I will find my stuff for my apartment and read the rest of Dress your family in Corduroy and Denim. Good book.

Then to bed cause I have to do a day like today all over again tomorrow.
But I have 3 days a week off....Woo Hoo.

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Date:2004-06-11 19:48
Subject:Work much?

Ok so I don't know if I am ever going to be a tech. That sucks, but I did get to work 4 ten hour days. Which means 40 hours and 3 days a week off. The other good thing about it is that Weds and Thurs I can do meat shows and make more money. Although I might not keep my car. This also means I get Sundays off to spend it with my girlfriend. I am happy about that. We are moving too. Got the apartment. Woo Hoo.
Anyway, I'm tired.

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Date:2004-06-10 21:06

I was clearly PMSing...
Go me.
Wish me luck tomorrow. I am going to try to change my schedule...

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Date:2004-06-10 10:01
Subject:sweat much
Mood: drained

I am sweating my fucking ass off. I think I am dehydrated too. I have been acting as Mommy for my brother and it is about time I have a talk with a friend. Last night I felt like shit and it has continuned inot today. I must be PMSing. My Mom left until Sunday. She didn't say goodbye or either that she could wake me up. I must really have felt like shit. My grandmother is annoying. On the happier note. I am apartment hunting tonight in hopes of finding something. I miss my girlfriend.

Right now I want to be in bed.
That is all.

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Date:2004-06-09 12:03

Well He talked to me, but I still have the keys. I sat in the sun and now I feel better.
Also kinda about money, but we will see.

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Date:2004-06-08 22:56

I just got the car keys back from my brother. He isn't talking to me and for some reason I feel it is a loss.
He wasn't going to help pay insurance nor did he do anything I asked him. Then had the nerve to bitch at me for me wanting my car for the next few days.
It wasn't fair.
So why am I so upset about it?

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Date:2004-06-08 21:57

My brother sucks.
My glasses broke.
Work is work.

I am broke.

I need to take the keys away from my brother and then ring his fucking neck. I am afraid to take the keys away cause then my family might get mad and kick me out. He said something reallly fucking mean and then carried on. My grandmother is crazy and thinks she can change me.

Ok so I am not complaining about being back in NY. I just want more respect and now I am going to have to be mean about it.

Did I mention how broke I am?

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Date:2004-06-06 19:52

anylitica's LJ stalker is snazzyzeo!
snazzyzeo is stalking you because they think you are the one who made anonymous abusive LJ comments. They are also mentally deranged!

LiveJournal Username:

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

Pete Hun, Stop stalking me...lol

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Date:2004-06-06 19:35

So I am back. Nice to be here. I have come to find that I have a love/hate relationship with England that I can't explain. Just like I have a love/hate relationship with Cali.

I went to get my hair done cause I couldn't stand it. Then I had it re-done cause I couldn't stand that either. I was bored. I don't know if I can even stand it now.

I have no clothes. I have no idea where they are and my favorite pants are in the shed somewhere or at least I hope.

I am poorer than fuck and I don't know how to get out of it.

I saw Cheaper by the Dozen last night and it made me ball. It was so sweet.

Well I start work tomorrow and that should be fun. I think we are going out for a drink. I am so excited to see everyone and then my computer gets fixed Tuesday. Yay!

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Date:2004-06-01 23:15
Subject:Cigarette break...
Mood: cranky

If I smoked cigarettes right now I would be having one. Mind you I did have one last week, but I can't stand smoking. Maybe this is why I had my tongue pierced. I have been writing for hours now and god it sucks so bad. But England is over.
Back in NY in about who knows how many hours. I land at 6:40pm NY time.
(cigarette break over)

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Date:2004-06-01 11:49


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

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Date:2004-06-01 11:48


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

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Date:2004-06-01 11:43

I took my last shower here. I am tired and grumpy.
I need to do work and I don't want too.
I suck.
But I will be home tomorrow and later than I thought
All well

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Date:2004-05-31 22:24
Subject:Wish me Luck
Mood: stressed

I spent the whole day by this computer and only wrote a page and a half so I need to do 4000 words tomorrow. Yeah does this look like the face of someone who will get this done?
Bad reference to the last friends

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Date:2004-05-31 19:36

I just ate and realized I forgot to have a cup of coffee. I can't get fucking AIM to work and well I might just try to go work in my room cause I have to read anyway. Lots. Maybe a nap wouldn't be a bad idea. Then I can come back here cause will it is open all night.

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Date:2004-05-31 14:33
Mood: nerdy

Kerry thinks it is ok for 2 women to get married as long as one is rich.
Hmm...How do you take this?

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Date:2004-05-30 14:17

benn at the library for about an hour.
done shit
but about to write this last poem.

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Date:2004-05-29 15:52

OK so Plath isn't going to help me. All well. I need to be in the mood to read her. But Gerturde Stein helped and I never used to like her. Weird day in History for me.

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