|Subject:||My Morning Walk|
I looked through the window pane on the train to work today. The endless amount of people frightened me. I thought where are they going what are they doing? Do they not know what lies ahead for them this morning? Do any of them think about what Bloomberg and Bush are planning for us today? Is it just a lost cause to think that someone else on this train thinks about how bad things are? How fucked up the world is?
I looked down the sewer standing on the curb. The water was garbage. Then the garbage came as I crossed the street. Again I think does anyone else care that we walk by the disgusting remains from the food wasted by restaurants that the third world countries don't have. What the hell do people think about? Those rich assholes that only care about when their next golf game is or how about where they should park that fucking massive lexus suv that is so great for the environment and for me to breathe. My lung collapsed in 98 maybe it was because of this I can't determine that and neither could they.
I cross the street and of course now I can't think about what I was thinking because I can't write while I walk. It went something like this...
I can't believe that people in this city shuffle around to get to where they are going to walk in the muck that isn't cleaned up to become something that they aren't. What's the drive? I mean what is the drive? I had it. I had it once. The drive. So I can't tell you what it is in a nutshell. Money. This whole city this whole country is bent on money. Well at least that was the drive for me. Live in a city get lots of money. The idea ran hand and hand. Here's the thing. I was naive and ignorant to what was going on around me. I became that ‘american’. That type of american that just excepts what is hand to her. What the world tells me is right. What I'm hand I have to accept. This however all is a crock of fucking shit. Don't take what's handed to you. Why? Because you don't want confrontation cause you don't want to get arrested cause you don't want the shit beat out of you. So beat the fuck back. Fight, Run, Gouge out what you believe. Unfortunately that isn't many of you. Most of you won't understand what I'm talking about. Here's an examples..
I'm going to act this out for you...
Me: Mom why doesn't this make you angry?
Mom: Because what am I supposed to do?
Me: There is stuff to do isn't there?
Mom: No, You just have to take what you get sometimes. There is no point fighting. You won't win. That's just the way it is.
Me: I don't get it Mom. I'm so angry and can't do anything about it.
This was the conversation I had with my Mom when I was little. I became suppressed and oppressed after this. Here I am a lesbian and I sit and watch everyone else fight for my rights for me. What an ass am I...
So back to my walk. The other thing that seems to boggle my mind is the fact that there is one man that has say in what this country does what this fucking country represents. Also there is only one man that has say in what this city that I live in and how can one man, mind you it's a man, know what exactly every person that lives in this city or this country what they need. I feel that this isn't possible at all not at all. And as once I did, this country is naive. Well certain people in it are. Like my family, but I have friends who aren't, but lately my ratio of people in my life who are and who aren't has a really big gap. One man having this control. I mean Bloomberg wants to close Washington Square Park; Where the Dyke March ends to make it just for sights and flowers. He wants to close the fucking make. A New York common ground. He wants to gate it off and not let us in. Gate it off. Who the fuck does he think he is to make these fucking decision about this. And the part that pisses me off the most is that one of them is extremely stupid and the other extremely rich. And as I'm thinking about this, I remember what a professor said to me yesterday.
Her: You don't just consciously think about politics on the train or while you're walking.
I raised my hand and said
Me: I do
And she seemed shocked and looked at me like I was crazy. Every time I think about my rights as being a lesbian, I think about politics. Every time I think about 9/11 and how the United States got all upset about the terrorist attack and they ask how could this happen to us? I think about politics. And to answer your question about how 9/11 happened to us...Don't you think that after all the terrorism we cause because we need to get involved in everything and all the terrorism that occurs in third world countries that no one hears about it; wasn't it bound to happen to us one day especially after the fact that we do it to other people and we trained the people who did it to us. That's right. The CIA trained them so we had alliances in other countries that weren't americans. And how many people didn't believe Michael Moore? Let me not go there.
The president is trying to make this a christian country again and I was just typing in word and well it capitalized it. I don't feel like it deserves it. Anyway, to lead this country back to something that had scientifically proven to not exist. It didn't create this world. It didn't create the trees. It sure as hell didn't create this world we are in now. Do fucking people realize that there is no one else to blame but themselves? I have to blame them because I'm not the one dumping toxic waste into the oceans and rivers. I'm not the one spreading Aids or creating it. I'm not the one filling my body with the corporate fat that makes up fast food. I'm not the one that lets starbucks control my coffee intake. I used to work for them I know what that shit contains. One of my new deals is to take it down. This country was so bent on not having monopolies after Rockefeller owned half of New York and most companies across the U.S. But now look at how companies are monopolizing. starbucks, mc donalds, burger king and yes I worked for them too. They fry your fries in Vegetable oil. One of the worst oils ever. Again a man made object.
Most of you who read this are probably wondering if I feel this way why do I live here why do I have a computer why don't I just move and end it all for me and just let it all go? Because if someone doesn’t get out to say this shit who will? Who will change the way others think. Who will communicate and get those ignorant and naive people to see? Me and hopefully others. I really believed I couldn’t do anything for this country for this city for me as an individual, but as I think more and get angrier, that’s not true. This right here does something. But right now all I can do is vent until I can constructively find a why to get out there and preach.